A simple search for “signs of divorce” will bring up a multitude of expert articles all proclaiming the top signs that divorce may be looming in your future. However, it’s important to note that whether you fall under one category or all five, or 10, or 15, that doesn’t mean that you will get a divorce. It doesn’t have to be doom and gloom when reading about signs that your marriage could be failing. Instead, we’ve researched the main recurring signs or themes that you may be experiencing in your own marriage and have broken them down to help you see what you can do to try and save your own marriage.
Instead of succumbing to the fear of divorce, and just filing the papers, remember what brought you together with your spouse in the first place. There is guaranteed to have been at least some attraction and some common interests that you share. Unless you’re in a life threatening or violent situation, it’s worth trying to keep your spark alive before extinguishing your marriage forever.
Signs of Divorce
You See Yourself Divorced
When you think about your future do you see yourself happily divorced or happily married? If your head is telling you married, but your heart is yearning for divorce, there’s probably trouble brewing. When things get tough, it’s common to have a stray thought about how life would be easier divorced. You may even miss your single life for a bit during those times, but those thoughts are common when at your worst moments. However, if these thoughts are constantly with you and you find yourself daydreaming about your life as a divorcee more often than not, then it’s not such a good situation.
If you’re at the point of fantasizing daily about your life unmarried, maybe it’s time to think about why you’re fantasizing about that life. Are you and your spouse arguing all the time? Are there problems financially? Are you bored with your life? Figure out the why and talk to your spouse. Don’t accuse them as being the reason for these fantasies, but do have an honest talk about your marriage. You may find there are underlying problems or there are things that you can easily fix after discussing them honestly and openly.
Your Goals in Life Have Become Askew
Do you remember back when you first got together? Did you plan out your future together and have all these aligned dreams together? Now that you’ve been married for awhile, it may seem like your spouse is an entirely new person. They suddenly don’t have the same life goals as you, whether it is where you live, travel plans, or even children. Minor plans are one thing, but if you are suddenly misaligned on deal breakers, then it can definitely be a red flag for separation.
There’s a common theme when it comes to trying to sort out the situation, and that’s communication. It starts with going directly to the source, your spouse. If things are leading to an argument and you can’t seem to get anywhere, it may be beneficial to see a marriage counselor who can mediate the process and help you and your spouse relearn how to communicate effectively. However, both of you need to be willing to work on this. If during your discussion, either with or without a third party, you realize that you’ve grown apart and neither are willing to sacrifice what they want for the other, it may mean time to throw in the towel.
Communication Breakdown
Good, quality communication is critical to a healthy marriage. Even arguing is beneficial, but when arguing takes over as your first source of communication, you may want reevaluate how you talk to one another. If you are overly critical of the other person, or vice-versa, that is a bad sign for what could happen in the future if you continue this form of communication. On the reverse, you may not be overly critical of your spouse, but you may have gotten into a routine of life and work and never spend time talking with them. If you are learning about your spouse’s activities and passions through friends and relatives, something is amiss.
The first step would be to start talking, and keep it personal. Remember when you spent hours talking about nothing in the beginning, try and recapture that passion for one another. Don’t accuse your spouse, after all there’s two of you involved in the relationship. Simply let them know how hurt or upset you are that neither of you talk anymore, or that you didn’t know about the job promotion they got nor the new fantasy football league they formed. Let your spouse know that you care, and that you are willing to put in the effort to make time for each other if they are. However, if you spouse is starting to breakaway and do things independent of you, and refuse to communicate with you what is going on in their life, you can’t stay sheltered in your routine of life forever. If your independence has reached a point of no return, and your spouse is unwilling to change their ways, it may be time to seek out a divorce lawyer.
Your So-Called Sex Life
As bashful as you may be discussing your sex life, there should be a sex life to discuss. If the spark in the bedroom has completely died out, then there are definitely problems brewing. Attraction is a key necessity in a happy marriage; intimacy is an act of bonding between partners, and when that is removed, there is no concern for the emotional connection you and your spouse share.
Confront this matter directly. Is it you who has no desire for your spouse or is it your spouse refusing you? Hopefully they have not cheated on you, but if that is suspected or has happened, then it may already be too late depending on the severity and both of your willingness to work through that. If you have tried to initiate intimacy, but continually get refused, there may be little more you can do. If you have addressed this problem directly with your spouse, you may need marriage counseling to help get to the underlying problem. If this problem cannot be worked out, and you are not willing to live with a sex-less marriage, it may be time to move on.
You Have Options
The key way to determine how to move forward either with your marriage or with divorce is to talk to your spouse. If you both want to work on the marriage, chances are that you will be able to work through your problems and come out stronger and tighter as a couple. However, if your spouse is unwilling to change, or listen to you, there will be little you can do to change their mind about your marriage. If that is the case, seek out guidance from our experienced and compassionate team. We will guide you every step of the way, and ensure that you understand everything happening with your divorce in California, if that is the choice you end up making. If you are still on the fence about getting a divorce, you can set up a consultation to figure out your options and whether or not that is the best direction to go.
