Every 16-year old remembers a song about love and love lost. For 52-year old baby boomers heading for divorce, they were sweet 16 when Elton John and Kiki Dee did a duet called “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart.” Written by Elton John with Bernie Taupin under the pseudonyms “Ann Orson” and “Carte Blanche” (a pun on the expression “an horse and cart, blanche”), it was No. 1 on the charts for four weeks in 1976.
It’s the stories we read as young children like Cinderella or King Arthur. It’s the songs we sang and danced to at high school proms — “It’s My Party, and I’ll Cry If I Want To.” Words our parents would say — “You’ll grow up and marry the man of your dreams, and live happily ever after.” Memories, perceptions and expectations become entangled in the emotions of going through a divorce. When your husband or wife of 16 years comes home from a business trip, and says, “It’s over.” You really don’t comprehend the why’s and the wherefore’s. Your subconscious immediately goes to “Don’t go breaking my heart — I couldn’t if I tried,” and the pain of the lie is unbearable.
Is it worse for men or for women? Psychologists and therapists tell us that’s not an issue. It’s what it is. And, whether you rise above it or get stuck in the mire and muck of it — is a choice.
If divorce becomes eminent, look to your family, friends and your attorney for support. Out of caring your friends may give you hearsay legal advice having known someone who went through the same situation. Politely thank them, but recognize immediately your need to seek experienced counsel for your legal representation. Embrace your friends’ support in the way of going out for coffee, a game of golf, and maybe a few verses of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive!”
